There may be not someday that goes by with out somebody calling YLaw and asking for an aggressive household lawyer. Often they ask for me as a result of they suppose I’m one of the vital aggressive household attorneys in Vancouver. In any case, that’s the status I established at the start of my profession.

The necessity for justice and getting the shopper the whole lot they requested for landed me in courtroom hearings virtually on a regular basis, typically twice a day. I fought, and I received over 90% of my household regulation instances. However on the finish and after training for plenty of years, I remorse that path. Each win was nonetheless a loss to my shopper; and to myself. I’ll clarify.

I’ve spent the final 5 years attempting to restore my status. As a result of I feel a purely aggressive household lawyer who simply ups the battle is among the worst decisions a household regulation shopper could make.

My Expertise as an Aggressive Household Regulation Lawyer

I used to be reactive to any threats or hurt to my shopper. I wanted to guard him/her like I did my household. I assumed what I assumed was cheap and needs to be accepted by the opposing aspect instantly. In the event that they didn’t settle for it, then ‘see you in courtroom’.

This meant that I spent hours, days, weeks getting ready for fights. I had my purchasers in my workplace drafting affidavits, gathering proof in opposition to the opposing aspect, gearing up for conflict in courtroom. Typically I might interview teenage kids of my purchasers and write affidavits on their behalf to get custody as a result of I assumed that was what was of their finest pursuits. I fought over each penny that the opposite aspect shouldn’t have. My purchasers liked me as a result of I fought more durable than they ever may. A few of these purchasers are my finest pals to this present day.

My mistake was following the desires of my purchasers once they had been caught up in a battle. They needed an aggressive lawyer, so be it. I used to be simply that. What I didn’t notice was that part of my job as a lawyer was to guide the shopper in direction of wholesome targets and inform them in regards to the penalties of a household conflict. Even when they didn’t need to hear it. If I gave them the knowledge I’ve at this time, maybe they might have modified their strategy and (not now however) later thanked me for the recommendation.

The Loss to My Shoppers

I didn’t perceive was how a lot my purchasers misplaced. In any case, I used to be coping with the break down of a household:

  • A pair who at one level liked one another;
  • On one stunning day mentioned marriage ceremony vows to one another in entrance of all their family members;
  • Sooner or later came upon they’re pregnant and had been about to obtain the most important reward life may give them.

That couple was now ending their historical past. I used to be concerned in encouraging them to turn into enemies and within the course of inadvertently harm their kids, their largest presents in life.

I used to be coping with dad and mom spending their hard-earned cash on me on the charge of a number of tons of of {dollars} an hour. That cash may have been put in an RESP account for his or her kids. I drove my purchasers to face their very own husbands and wives in courtroom – in entrance of a choose and a courtroom reporter. I strategized with them to make use of their household and pals to testify in opposition to each other. I divided not simply them, however their communities and social circles. The breakdown of a stupendous household had now turn into a strategic sport the place ‘shedding’ was not an choice.

The Outcomes of Being an Aggressive Lawyer

In that course of, regardless of how a lot we received, we misplaced extra. In any case, most if not all of my purchasers needed nothing however:

  • a good end result,
  • a relationship with their youngsters,
  • shifting on from a painful breakup and
  • therapeutic.

Many instances they had been misguided in pondering that’s achieved by having an aggressive lawyer. In truth, in most if not all of these instances, the other was achieved:

  • kids needed to decide sides,
  • cash had gone down the drain,
  • a painful separation was extended, and
  • that couple would all the time and for the remainder of their lives do not forget that their marriage led to an all out, nasty battle in courtroom – an expertise which might be communicated and handed down technology after technology.

You know the way I noticed what I used to be doing was incorrect? Those self same purchasers who received their ‘battle’, later got here to me and mentioned in the event that they knew higher they might by no means battle. They’d compromise and resolve their points even when it meant they acquired much less time with their youngsters or stroll away with much less cash. As a result of the injury and ache of combating far outdated the advantages that had been gained.

Why You Need an Aggressive Household Lawyer

Many divorcing people have by no means been inside a courtroom room earlier than. They’ve by no means been betrayed as a lot as they’ve because of their separation. They’ve by no means felt extra misplaced, fearful, unhappy and weak. Typically the false accusations, distrust, and battle worsen day by day after separation. The divorcing associate feels helpless and faces severe lack of his cash, kids, help, household, and many others.

A survival intuition tells her to battle for her rights however she doesn’t know how you can as she isn’t a lawyer. Subsequent factor she is concerned within the household courtroom system. Now she is up in opposition to an intimidating divorce lawyer and feels much more helpless. That’s why the very first thing the mind tells her to do is to rent essentially the most aggressive lawyer to guard her, battle for her rights and get her what she wants at separation.

The necessity for hiring an aggressive household lawyer is as a result of:

  1. You need somebody to totally shield your rights; 
  2. You need somebody to battle in opposition to the opposite aggressive lawyer representing your ex. 

Your causes are utterly comprehensible and make whole sense. Your selection nevertheless, isn’t all the time the best selection.

You don’t want an aggressive household lawyer. You want an Assertive Household Lawyer.

Who’s an Aggressive Household Lawyer?

An aggressive household lawyer is a lawyer who’s so instinctually combative that their overriding urge is to interact in battle no matter whether or not or not it’s within the shopper’s long run finest curiosity. These attorneys usually are available two types:

  • They genuinely consider that combating and battle are one of the best methods to resolve a dispute, and don’t have any understanding of long run penalties or outcomes.
  • Are ego pushed and grasping, and drive the shopper into fights in an effort to maximize on financial acquire.

Who’s an Assertive Household Lawyer?

An assertive household lawyer is a strategic and clever lawyer who all the time maintains their shopper’s long run curiosity as their final objective. They aren’t push-overs and don’t bend beneath stress. However they weigh all advantages and prices in any scenario in an effort to use the best instruments when resolving battle. These instruments could also be negotiation, mediation or litigation. They cater their technique to the distinctiveness of the shopper’s scenario and carve out a singular answer to each drawback. They aren’t afraid to battle, however battle properly and when it’s completely vital.

The Aggressive Household Lawyer vs. The Assertive Household Lawyer

Battle vs. Outcomes

The aggressive lawyer seems for battle. The assertive household lawyer seems for decision whereas not being a push over.

Ask your self this: have you ever ever witnessed a excessive battle scenario having a constructive consequence? Take it from wars, to individuals assaulting one another, to bullying at colleges, to individuals bashing one another on-line? Do you suppose hightening the battle in your case could be any totally different? Then why would you like a lawyer to up the battle? What you want in your loved ones regulation case is a truthful consequence, not conflict. 

Profitable vs. Decision

The aggressive lawyer is one-dimensional and has one technique that he follows: battle in courtroom. The assertive attorneys seems in any respect choices, applies logic and a value/profit evaluation to them, after which collaborates with you to seek out the best choice.

Ego vs. Knowledge

The aggressive household lawyer is commonly ego pushed as a result of the ego desires to be validated and win. The assertive household lawyer doesn’t let his/her ego get in the best way of correctly defending his/her purchasers whereas on the similar time seeing whether or not compromise will obtain greater than a battle would.

Quick time period vs. Long run

The Aggressive household lawyer focuses on brief time period outcomes. The assertive household lawyer focuses on long run outcomes.

In a lot of my instances when I was aggressive, the shopper liked having me battle for them and having their voices heard. They liked the ‘wins’. However after a number of months or years, they realized that these ‘wins’ had been not likely wins. They achieved nothing however some non permanent pleasure of ‘placing the opposite aspect of their place’. Long run, nevertheless, these ‘wins’ additional broken relationships, funds, and many others.

However What if the Opposing Lawyer is Aggressive?

Many consumers suppose that as a result of the opposite aspect has an aggressive lawyer, in addition they want one to match the sport. Nonetheless, based mostly on my expertise, an assertive lawyer is far more efficient in going through an aggressive lawyer within the following methods:

  • The assertive lawyer is far more revered by judges and in courtroom than the aggressive lawyer. Judges need to arrive at a good consequence. Whoever appears them eye-to-eye and suggests practical and truthful options will come out profitable. Most judges don’t recognize aggressive and unreasonable attorneys.
  • The assertive lawyer is mentally wholesome, targeted and stage headed. He/she isn’t reactive. The aggressive lawyer typically has a mood and is reactive. In a household regulation case, reactiveness when pointless can value fortunes.
  • The assertive lawyer doesn’t let ego get in his approach, so he’ll exhaust all alternatives to speak and lead the case in direction of settlement somewhat than battle. That lawyer can really handle and lead the aggressive lawyer onto a constructive path of battle decision;
  • The assertive lawyer will battle lengthy and arduous if he/she realizes that negotiation or purpose doesn’t work with the opposite aspect, however earlier than that, he/she’s going to exhaust all alternatives to avoid wasting you time and prices of combating if different choices can be found.


Don’t put your eggs within the aggressive lawyer basket. You should have far more to lose than acquire, and you’ll virtually all the time remorse your selection. Rent an assertive lawyer.

To seek out one of the best household attorneys in Vancouver, click here.

Leena Yousefi is an assertive (now not aggressive!) household lawyer and the founding father of YLaw Group. She ensures that each one attorneys at YLaw are assertive and never aggressive. In any case, the shopper’s finest pursuits are of the very best worth and significance at YLaw, and needs to be that approach with each lawyer and regulation agency on the market. 



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